8> An iguana just shouldn't be coughing up hairballs.

7> It turns out that the "guide dog" service she volunteers
for on the weekends is really an escort service.

6> She sucks up to anyone with a wad of cash yet she is not a
member of Congress.

5> She regularly gives a substantial portion of her kibble to a
Doberman wearing a white mink coat.

4> She seems to have a lot more cash than usual.

3> Your gouramis impose a strict "no kissing" rule.

2> When your dog chases cars it always comes back with a twenty.


and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet is a Prostitute...


1> Her "tricks" have nothing to do with shaking hands.